Men are often less likely to seek the kind of help that offers them a new perspective on an old problem, says Nicola Johnson – but family constellations is a unique approach that can have a profound, and life-changing effect...
Family Constellations is a radical new approach to working on difficulties rooted in family dynamics, based on the innovative work of Bert Hellinger. Through family constellation work we begin to see that we are inextricably linked to our family members, both past and present and significant events and traumas from the past can affect us in a very deep way in the present.
Working with a therapist, it is often possible to unlock some of these stuck places, bringing new information to light and the possibility of healing for ourselves and our families.
Here are four ways a family constellations session may be a positive support to men:
1) Emotional Healing
Mens’ mental health and wellbeing can be profoundly affected by societal pressure to suppress emotions and avoid vulnerability. Family constellations facilitators hold a safe, confidential and contained space for you to explore and express emotions. As we gently look at emotional wounds and unresolved family issues we deepen our self-acceptance. All you need to bring along is a willingness to speak your truth and this work starts to transform your life.
2) More Self Awareness
In a constellation, you can see dynamics playing out through representations for your family members and for yourself. You can gain insights into your own and other family members' behaviour and see the influences of family history. Are you living someone else’sdream, or being loyal to an ancestor? The self-awareness that can come from constellation work helps you get a clear sense of your life’s purpose.
3) Improved Relationships
Often relationships fall apart despite heartfelt attempts to work things out. Sometimes a family constellation can help identify old family patterns, perhaps an unconscious loyalty to a long-dead ancestor that has meant a man’s current family, romantic partnership or friendship have been adversely affected. In a constellation, we can bring these dynamics to light, allowing them to be witnessed as they are. This witnessing and acknowledging of hidden family dynamics can help men to move into healthier, fulfilling relationships with deeper empathy and acceptance for others and understanding of themselves.
4) Stress Reduction
In a constellation, we can take time to look at unresolved family issues contributing to chronic stress and anxiety. After a constellation with a man who was exasperated by a lifelong sense of being alone in the world, I witnessed him experience the sense of having his male line, his father, grandfather and great-grandfather line up behind him. He was very moved to feel these men behind him and to lean into them for support in his life going forward. He found the experience transformative. Family constellations help to identify traumatised ancestors as well as those that can be drawn on for much support in our present-day lives. Men can experience significant stress reduction which positively impacts their overall well-being and quality of life when they get the chance to witness all that can be seen and felt in a constellation.
Opening our hearts to a different way of looking can be transformative and healing.
Nicola Johnson is a family constellations practitioner working from our Stokes Croft rooms in Bristol. If you would like to come and try a workshop at Stokes Croft in Bristol we have sessions running on 30 June and 21 July, or visit her website for more information constellationslive.com
