Neglect, like shame, is not often talked about but is a type of abuse as much as any other, writes Rich Hayden, as he suggests how his might showup in the therapeutic space…
When we think of the word abuse, we often think of the more socially predominant forms of abuse such as sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse and verbal abuse.
However, there is much more that falls underneath the umbrella term of abuse. Did you know there is such a thing as financial abuse? Or institutional abuse?
There is no one form of abuse that I consider to be more or less harmful than another, they all have the potential to cause traumatic experiences. However, there are some more subtle, covert forms of abuse that we may be less aware of.
Neglect is one of these. I’ve worked with it a lot in the therapy room and over the years I’ve come to think of it as the most silent form of abuse. Like the emotion shame, it isn’t often spoken about or even very present in our sphere of social awareness. It’s possible to be affected by neglect at any age, although in the vast majority of cases I’ve worked with it’s roots have been found in childhood.
Just because we aren’t very aware of neglect, doesn’t mean it happens any less! It’s difficult to estimate a number of people who have been affected, but to give a rough idea the NSPCC suggest from their research that 1 in 10 people have experienced neglect during childhood.
I think it’s fair to say that many people have been affected by neglect, a lot of whom are unlikely to realise it. Like all traumas, the impact can be minor or severe; nevertheless an impact all the same and therefore also a reaction. If there is one thing I’ve observed by working with my own clients, it’s that neglect definitely seems to hit harder the earlier in childhood it is experienced.
Neglect can have severe implications for a developing child. Amongst other issues it can be the cause of; trauma, poor attachment, inability to communicate clearly, high levels of anxiety, addiction issues, insecurity, poor sense of self and in extreme cases even affect neurological development.
It’s not something that I often experience clients to bring in as an issue at the start of therapy, more like something that shows itself through symptoms and by exploring childhood history over time.
Given the lack of greater awareness of, combined with the impact that neglect can have, I feel that it is our duty as therapists (being in the best service as we can to our clients) to be aware of the subtle signs of neglect. Once we have awareness, we can make our clients aware of how their childhood experiences of neglect may be affecting their here and now experience of life. After all, awareness is right at the start of the road towards healing.
Rich Hayden is a counsellor and creative therapist working from our Westbury-on-Trym, Bristol centre…
