Dark days and deeper acts of self-care

Self-care is about attending to your mental, emotional, and physical well-being in a way that sustains and nurtures you, says Michelle Devaux Davey...

As January progresses, we find ourselves in the depths of winter, when the days are short, the nights seem unending, and the cold wraps itself around us like a heavy blanket. This season, with its dark mornings and early sunsets, can weigh heavily on the mind and body. Known for bringing with it ‘Blue Monday’, often referred to as the most depressing day of the year, this time serves as a stark reminder of the emotional toll winter can take. Against this backdrop, the importance of self-care and being kinder to oneself cannot be overstated.

Winter’s shorter days are often accompanied by a drop in mood for many, particularly those prone to seasonal affective disorder (SAD). The lack of sunlight disrupts the body’s circadian rhythm, causing fatigue, irritability, and low energy levels. Add to this the societal pressures to begin the new year with a wave of productivity and self-improvement, and it’s no wonder that many feel overwhelmed. This is precisely why prioritising self-care and self-kindness during this period is essential.

Understanding self-care

Self-care often conjures up images of spa days, long baths, or indulgent treats. While these can be acts of self-care, the concept goes much deeper. Self-care is about attending to your mental, emotional, and physical well-being in a way that sustains and nurtures you. It’s about meeting your own needs - not just the superficial ones but the deeper ones that are often neglected in our fast-paced lives.

During these dark days, self-care might look like creating a daily routine that includes moments of stillness and reflection. It could be something as simple as making time to prepare a wholesome meal, bundling up for a brisk walk in the fresh air, or allowing yourself the grace to rest without guilt. Self-care also includes setting boundaries, saying no to what drains you, and seeking support when needed. It’s not about grand gestures but rather small, consistent acts of kindness toward yourself.

The role of kindness

Winter can amplify feelings of inadequacy or self-criticism. Perhaps you feel you should be doing more, achieving more, or pushing through the gloom with grit and determination. But these expectations are not only unfair; they are counterproductive. Self-kindness invites you to meet yourself with compassion rather than judgment.

One way to practice this is by reframing your inner dialogue. Instead of berating yourself for feeling sluggish or unmotivated, acknowledge the season’s challenges and remind yourself that it’s okay to take things slowly. Imagine speaking to yourself as you would a dear friend: with patience, understanding, and encouragement. Self-kindness is also about giving yourself permission to prioritise joy, even in small doses. Watch a favourite film or box-set, pick up an old hobby, or simply allow yourself the luxury of doing nothing for a while. These moments aren’t indulgent; they’re necessary for emotional resilience.

The power of connection

Self-care and kindness aren’t solitary pursuits. Connecting with others can be a powerful way to lift your spirits during winter. Reach out to loved ones, join a local group or class, or simply schedule a virtual coffee chat with a friend. Sharing your thoughts and feelings, and hearing someone else’s, can remind you that you’re not alone in your struggles. Acts of kindness toward others, such as volunteering or simply offering a smile to a stranger, can also create a ripple effect that boosts your own sense of well-being.

Looking ahead to brighter days

While the dark, cold days of January may feel endless, it’s important to remember that they are temporary. As the weeks progress, the days are quietly growing longer. By early February, we gain nearly an hour of daylight, and with it, the promise of Spring begins to glimmer on the horizon. This gradual return of light can serve as a metaphor for the renewal we carry within ourselves. Just as the earth cycles through periods of rest and growth (the seasons), so too we must honour our need to slow down and recharge before we can blossom again.

In many ways, winter teaches us the value of patience and resilience. It’s a time to turn inward, nurture our-selves, and prepare for the brighter days ahead. By embracing self-care and extending kindness to ourselves during this season, we not only survive the challenges of winter but emerge from it stronger, more balanced, and ready to thrive in the light of the lengthening days. So, as we endure the cold and the dark, let us take heart: brighter, lighter evenings are just around the corner, bringing with them new opportunities to grow and flourish. Bear with people, bear with…

Michelle Devaux Davey is a psychodynamic counseller and psychotherapist in Cheltenham and Oxford