At emotional or challenging times, it's normal to find it hard to communicate, but sometimes anxiety can have a longer-term impact on someone’s ability to communicate. Dr Rachel Adams explains the difference, and when to seek help…
I’m sure we all know the experience of noticing our communication sound a bit different when we’re feeling nervous, uneasy or emotional. There might be a quiver in the voice, a hastening in speech, a struggle to find the right words, or changes in pitch or intonation as if there is a slight obstruction in the throat.
The throat space is the gateway to the emotional body and it will close and lock when one is feeling threatened or uneasy. You might have noticed a tightening in your throat and a change in your voice when talking to someone you feel nervous around. This can be through joyful things such as feeling attracted to someone, falling in love, sharing emotions, or feeling excited to see someone. This is often a mix of anticipation and excitement.
However, going for an interview, giving an important presentation, delivering a speech, having an awkward and challenging conversation can activate the same physical feelings of unease – a mix of anticipation and fear. They all affect how the vocal chords function and also our ability to think clearly due to the impact of anxiety on our cognition.
This reaction is linked to our nervous system and how when we perceive a threat, it switches into sympathetic mode and activates a whole host of uncomfortable physical sensations.
Sometimes referred to as ‘triggering the threat system’, it is an evolutionary function of this threat system and ultimately there to protect us from danger. When we were running away from predators, the threat system was incredibly helpful. We could freeze and play dead, flee and run at speed, or fight back and hope for the best.
However, it is unlikely that we would have had to jump up and deliver a presentation at work the next day, interact and talk with customers and friends, or collaborate verbally with colleagues! Furthermore, it’s unlikely we would have been expected to do this whilst appearing calm, articulate and focussed.
These days, when it comes to communicating, our threat system can be more of a hindrance than a help – so it’s really something we need to understand as a typical and normal response to being a human being in a state of emotional charge. And, even if we experience vocal wobbles, throat tightening, a higher pitch, rushing over our words, or being unable to form them, it is temporary. Usually the nervous system settles down and the communication returns to its normal state - all is well.
The challenge occurs when anxiety starts to have a longer-term impact on a person’s communication.
This is usually because unhelpful thoughts have hopped onto the back of the threat system experience, and continue to influence it beyond the specific emotional charge or reason for the vocal wobble.
In an effort to protect itself, the mind floods the with stress hormones and the thoughts seek to stop you ever feeling this way again by saying something like “don’t go to any social functions, don’t do a job where you have to speak a lot”.
The thoughts are trying to be helpful and protect you from harm, but they’re actually being unhelpful and disconnecting you from others. This is when a person can start to develop social anxiety or social communication difficulties. The person might seek to avoid any situation that will mean they have to communicate with others. The anxiety can often become layered with shame; an emotion that makes a person feel they are bad and can make one want to curl up within oneself and not talk.
Anxiety and shame both thrive in the dark and therefore the more a person hides away, the greater the apprehension of communicating becomes.
This is a good time to seek some support and help in working through the anxiety and giving yourself the opportunity to continue communicating in a space that feels safe. The more a person can continue to communicate when feeling anxious, the greater their resilience becomes, the threat calms, the anxiety slowly reduces and the thoughts learn that it is safe to communicate.
Dr Rachel Adams, is a counselling psychologist, specialising in human communication, practising from our Exeter rooms.
