Using neurolinguistic programming to deepen our understanding of ourselves…
Contrary to popular belief, having good mental health does not mean that you never feel down, or sad, or stressed. It’s normal and healthy to feel a full range of emotions, both pleasant and unpleasant in response to your experiences.
Life can sometimes be tough, it can be complicated, demanding, and sad as well as joyful, fun, and beautiful. Good mental health means that you can be resilient in the face of challenges, that you can accept feeling down occasionally and allowing sadness and grief to run their course when you experience loss. It doesn’t mean that you have to feel bright and bubbly all the time, it doesn’t mean always looking on the bright side.
Good mental health means being able to accept all of your feelings, even the ‘bad’ ones like anger, sadness, or fear. All of your differing emotions are important messages to you about your experiences. You can learn to listen to your feelings without letting them take over or acting them out. You can also learn to moderate them. Good mental health means recognising when you feel overwhelmed and taking steps to support yourself.
Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) includes a whole host of techniques to help you to explore and manage your feelings.
As an NLP practitioner, I never make any assumptions about how you experience yourself or the world. If you tell me, you are angry and this is a problem, while I will be interested in what you are angry about, I will also be keen to explore what it is about your anger that is problematic.
It may be that you feel shame about feeling anger, and fear that you may be rejected or judged by others. We might explore your beliefs about anger and the meanings that you attach to it. Some of these beliefs may be so old that you are barely aware of them. We might do some work evaluating your beliefs and you might want to update or change them.
It may be that your anger is a pattern that you can’t seem to shake. It’s your, ‘go to’ response and it’s really not helping your life - it’s not who you want to be. We might do some work on your different ‘parts’ - connecting with that part of you that holds anger and what it is this part are trying to do for you. Your behaviour may not be working for you, but as an NLP Practitioner I always assume that the part of you doing that behaviour is doing so with good intentions albeit in an unhelpful way. In NLP work we often explore different parts with clients and find ways to integrate the positive intentions whilst changing the behaviour.
We might also explore the physical and somatic experience of anger in your body, exploring how you know you are angry. What you are doing in your body to let yourself know you are angry. Are you tense, breathing shallowly? Is your chest tight? It might surprise you to know that what we all call anger, is experienced very differently by people. Some people experience headaches or tension when they feel angry, and others feel a rush of energy and start cleaning the house. We can explore the physical and somatic manifestations of your anger and then work to alleviate those.
In essence, working with NLP is one of the best ways there is to get to know yourself better. NLP offers you a framework and language through which you can explore yourself, who you are, what really matters to you and why some things aren't working for you. As the Greek philosophers famously said: ‘Know thyself’. Self-knowledge was central to the Oracle of Delphi, and they believed that anyone who had true understanding of themselves, would live wisely. I would add to this, live healthily.
Working with an NLP practitioner can help you unpack and, if desired, change unhelpful beliefs, explore and moderate your somatic and physical responses, and explore and get clear about your values. It can support you to realise that you have untapped resources and self-knowledge. I honestly can’t think of a better underpinning to anyone's mental health. Working with an NLP practitioner may be one of the best investments you can make in your mental health.
Christine O’Leary is an NLP master practitioner, systemic constellations facilitator and relationship therapist in our Cardiff centre - Christine@christineoleary.wales
