Real self-care can look like making hard decisions in the moment, and doing difficult, boring or un-sexy things, to look after your whole self, says Kate Ashley
Self-care seems to have rocketed in popularity and usage, and more people understanding that looking after themselves is important is a fantastic thing. The more this is normalised, the better for everyone.
But is the concept of self-care in danger of becoming an empty buzzword?
Society’s perception of self-care, at least at the moment, appears to centre around bubble baths and glasses of wine, or treating yourself with delicious food. Sometimes people might use ‘self-care’ as a reason not to go to events they had planned to, or to bail on friends.
"Pampering and eating tasty treats absolutely can be self-care, but it’s so much more than that. And if you’re using the concept as a way to isolate or to always give in to the most comfortable option – that’s usually not going to be the best for you over the long term."
There’s something about this framing of self-care as doing whatever feels good in the moment that ignores the health and wellbeing of your future self (or even directly undermines it!)
Real self-care can look like making hard decisions in the moment, and doing difficult, boring or un-sexy things, to look after your whole self. Brushing your teeth is literally self-care. Pushing yourself to go after the thing you really want for yourself: self-care.
Other things that might be sustainable ways to care for yourself: going to the doctor; bringing a packed lunch to work; going to sleep on time; setting boundaries; taking risks; speaking to yourself kindly; budgeting.
Ultimately only you will truly know whether an act is self-care or self-sabotaging; whether you’re avoiding the things you really want to be doing because they feel too difficult or scary, or whether a break is what’s best for you at this time.
If self-care is something you really struggle to stick to, therapy might be a useful place to explore this, and to set up the habits you really want in your life.
Kate Ashley is a counsellor at some of our Bristol centres, kateashleytherapy.com
