Remember that the Q in LGBTQIA+ represents those who are questioning, as well as ‘queer’, says Kate Ashley, who offers support for anyone working through their sexual identity…
Sometimes it can feel like everyone else in the world feels sorted and certain of their sexuality. Particularly as representation increases and more people feel able to come out at a younger age, it can seem like you’re surrounded by a degree of confidence you can only dream of.
Of course, some people know their sexuality from a very young age. Others (including most heterosexual people!) might never question it at all.
We live in a society where straightness is assumed to be the norm, and this can make it very difficult to work out how we feel if we don’t fit into that box. And while the fight for LGBTQIA+ rights has made progress, there is still significant cultural and legal bias. Add to this continuing discrimination and it makes a lot of sense that many people struggle with who they truly are.
You might also rebel against the idea that you have to know, definitively, or to put one label on something that feels free, changeable and fluid. Labels are meant to be helpful, and can allow you to find community with people like you. But if they don’t seem to fully fit, or are causing you distress, you don’t have to be confined by them.
Maybe you’ll never know exactly how you want to describe your sexuality: that’s 100% okay. Remember that the Q in LGBTQIA+ represents those who are questioning (as well as ‘queer’) – you are part of this community whether you ever have another label or not.
Maybe exploring your sexuality will take a long time: it’s common to come out a number of times as different identities while you’re working this out.
What else can help? Finding queer community; consuming LGBTQIA+ media and stories; talking to someone. Finding a therapist who is part of our community can be transformative when you’re working things out.
Kate Ashley is a counsellor and psychotherapist working from our Bristol rooms, she specialises in confidence and self-worth, domestic abuse, sexuality and gender and neurodiversity. kateashleytherapy.com
