Compassion can be a central tenet to supporting the mental health of ourselves and others, not just on a daily, but ongoing basis, says Christina Jenkins...
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete”
(Jack Kornfield)
Defining ‘compassion’ can evoke a multitude of responses. For some, it’s synonymous with feelings of warmth or understanding. For others, compassion may conjure negativity or weakness…perhaps even indulgence. As suggested in an article by Irons and Beaumont in 2017, compassion can be viewed as ‘a sensitivity to suffering in self and others (and its causes), with a commitment to alleviate and prevent it.’ To me, there is an implicit courage that accompanies this definition, one which suggests a gentle exploration and strength to be able to confront our innate difficulties and enhance our understanding of self and suffering.
Compassion-focused therapy emphasises the need for patience, understanding and ultimately provides the foundational development of a skillset to better equip ourselves in creating healthy, nurturing relationships. It can be helpful for clients struggling with self-criticism and feelings of shame, promoting self-acceptance and challenging the disconnection and dissatisfaction that can be experienced. There is a focus on bodily-awareness and self-soothing as well as bringing an understanding of the construction of self along with an awareness of the evolution of the brain.
There exists three different flows of compassion that may be present, with an emphasis on all of them to co-exist in balance. These include self-compassion, being open to compassion from other people, and also the compassion we hold for others. Different people may require different skills to experience or practice all of these, often with many experiencing self-compassion as the most challenging. Reflecting on how you may respond to a friend in distress and applying this to yourself can be useful to remember in cultivating self- compassion.
Integrating compassion-focussed therapy
An interesting aspect of compassionate-focussed therapy is the acknowledgment of our evolutionary brain and the responsibility this has in our experiencing of difficulties. This refers to our ‘tricky’ brain, highlighting how our minds can naturally become stuck in a distressing loop of negative thinking and feeling. This is not our fault. A statement that in and of itself can be liberating, when understood within the following context: we simply didn’t choose to have a brain that becomes stuck in cyclical patterns of thinking. That is not to say we don’t have a responsibility to understand and learn what to do with this, but the redirection of blame can empower us to reduce our suffering.
Practicing compassion may be useful if we’re prone to self-critisicm, or feeling overwhelmed by thoughts and worry. It encourages us to slow down, to tune in to what is happening in our mind and body and invites us to observe and bring awareness and wisdom to challenging situations. We can learn a lot from not just how we treat others, but how we treat ourselves, especially when we’re confronted by difficulties.
Kindness to ourselves and others
The positive impact of practicing compassion is well documented and can be seen to enhance not just personal wellbeing, but also our relationships. As with any new skill we learn, this requires both time and practice but can be integral in fostering feelings of personal safety and comfort.
Behaving with compassion shouldn’t be confused with simply being kind. Whilst feelings of warmth and friendliness towards ourselves and others is encouraged, having a compassionate focus encourages us to acknowledge whether we need to bring strength or courage to a situation. For some people, this may be about establishing boundaries or asserting their needs. There is also a focus on how the body can support and facilitate this process, such as breathing techniques and understanding what you need to feel grounded and balanced.
When faced with struggles and difficulties, compassionate thinking encourages us to both pay attention to and turn towards challenging experiences, as opposed to denying or avoiding them.
By combining qualities such as being moved by others’ distress, empathy, and being sensitive and caring for our own well-being, we can heighten our ability to notice different thoughts, feelings, bahviours and emotions.
Whilst it can be easy to lose sight of our initial intentions or motivations when practicing compassion, having this awareness and offering a gentle reminder as to why we’re focusing on something, approached from the perspective of kindness, can be both a powerful and underrated practice in overcoming adversity. There are a range of techniques available to encourage the development of compassion from mindful walking, grounding ourselves in the present, through to visualisation exercises. By combining this with a kindness to self, we can build our resilience, confidence and ultimately improve our capacity for growth and healing.
Christina is an integrative psychotherapist and counsellor based at our centre in Leeds.
