Panic Attack: a poem

There really is so much for our clients to teach us, says Nanneke Morgan, as she shares an insight from a client…

“One of my clients writes beautiful poems and she recently wrote one when she had a panic attack. Her poem gave me a better understanding of what she experiences – I don’t think I really ‘got it’ before. I hope it helps you too.”

(Shared with full permission from the client)

I am absolutely fine, until I am absolutely not

I am absolutely fine
Until I am absolutely not
A flash of fever
A hint of horror
A pang of pain; the recipe for misery
A beginning with no end in sight
My biggest fear comes to life
And with it, the sensation of death
I will never smile again
I will never know joy
I will be consumed by this feeling forever
I am not me anymore, my light has gone out
I have been swallowed whole by a great paralysis
Every dark part of me floods my system
The vivid evocation of the past back with a avengeance
I am stuck in a pit of despair
There is no sun here
There is no ladder to climb out
There is no hope
Nowhere is safe; the nightmare lives inside me
Moments pass and I’m clinging on
An unexpected event transpires; the beginning of the end as my brain rewires
The blackness starts to lift
The clouds begin to part
Daylight breaks through slowly
I can breathe again, I can almost taste relief
I am absolutely fine
Until I am absolutely not.

Nanneke Morgan is a psychotherapist at our Cardiff Centre / nannekemorgancounselling.co.uk